It’s no secret that having a little one changes your love life. One of the reoccurring themes of advice Jason and I have received is to spend as much quality time as we can together before the baby arrives. Having heard great things about the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, I figured I’d give it a shot.
This book is based on the theory that we all have a particular way we try to show love and likewise, the same way we show love is generally how we expect to receive it. This is called your love language and there are five main dialects: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. According to Chapman, most couples don’t speak the same primary love language which makes it difficult to intuitively know how to show love in a way that really meets your significant other’s needs. The end result? Miscommunication, misinterpretation and feelings of neglect.
The 5 Love Languages helps you identify your love language as well as your significant other’s. This book teaches you how to show love to each other in a way that effectively meets each person’s particular needs and it gives you a deeper understanding of why your partner does or doesn’t react to what you’re already doing.
Throughout the book, Chapman lists exercises you can do with your partner. One of my favorites was asking your partner to come up with a list of things they’d like you to do for them within the next month. Their answers not only provide you with insight on the ways they like to be shown love, but your partner gets to reap the benefits of your willingness to do something nice for them.
Jason and I decided on coming up with five each and exchanging the lists. The best part is that we’ve continued to do the exercise without prompting one another. Now that we each have a better understanding of what makes the other person feel validated and loved we can proactively do things to surprise each other in a loving way.
Need some inspiration? Here are a few ideas:
- Plan a date out surprise.
- Give a 15-minute back massage.
- Go on after-dinner walks three times a week.
- Breakfast in bed.
- Hang those shelves that have been sitting in the closet.
- Make a sexy calendar for your hubby.
- Splurge on a weekend getaway.
Whether you’ve been married 20 years or you’re just beginning a relationship it doesn’t hurt to brush up on your romance skills. The 5 Love Languages is a great place to start.